No mum or dad wants to be a ‘yeller’! But there are certain situations in which you can’t help yourself…
Being a parent is a tough job; no one told us before how tough it is.
Maybe one of the worst and most challenging situations is during a tantrum.
It can happen at home or in a public place, restaurant, or playground – just about anywhere. We can’t always prepare for it or have the right response or solution. Every parent tries their best to calm down their child in the most delicate way and to relax themselves.
Here are some helpful tips.
- Reaching out:
Reaching out or hugging can change any situation. Sometimes children misbehave because they want attention. If they feel we are with them in those situations without judging, by just being present, then they can become calmer sooner. Sometimes, when they feel the sky is falling down around them, all they need is a simple hug from mum or dad.
When a child starts to get louder and louder, try whispering instead of trying to out-shout him.
So when the situation starts to get serious, try to talk softly in order to get the child’s attention; hopefully, it will work!
- Do something unexpected:
When the storm is coming, and you are about to yell, you feel deep inside it won’t achieve the desired result. But if we start doing something unexpected, unusual or silly, it can change our child’s mood in an instant.
You can do funny faces, funny singing or dancing – anything that comes to mind.
- Start to play:
A little bit of humour and fun can help in any situation. Do something playful, like tickling.
- Calm place:
It can sometimes help if we bring the child to a calm place. It can be a calm and nice corner of the restaurant, under a nice tree in a playground or the best calm spot in our house. There they can release their tension or unleash the waterworks.
- Tension release:
In the event of a tantrum, we can’t just show our children what not to do – like biting or hitting others – but we can show them how they can release tension in a ‘nicer’ way. They can release anger and energy through clapping, jumping or even boxing a pillow. These techniques help them to reduce tension without hurting others.
…And a very important factor is your energy level and how desperate you are at that moment. We are all human and can’t always deal perfectly with the challenges we face in parenting. Sometimes, we are in no mood to tolerate our children’s misbehaviour and tantrums. Other times, we are not well, are nervous or are simply exhausted. First of all, forgive yourself for not being perfect and not always reacting appropriately.
Here are some tips on how you can avoid yelling, even if you feel like…..
- Get out of Dodge:
Ask your partner or even close grandparent, if around, to take over and just get some respite. As they were not in the stormy situation, they might be able to handle the situation better without yelling.
And this also works vice-versa. If you see you partner losing their patience (or sanity), then you can step in.
- Use humour:
It is not easy when you are mad and it doesn’t work in every situation. But there are some instances when tension can be deflated with a little bit of humour.
- Let your child know you are angry:
Sometimes, instead of going headlong into the storm, we can stop and admit to our child that we are really angry. With this statement, we can have a little bit of release as we expressed our feelings. Then we can leave the child for a few minutes – if they are old enough – to think and we can also calm down a bit.
- Start counting:
This is an old ‘trick’, but I am not sure it is effective enough….
Did we miss a tip? If you have any ideas of your own, please leave a comment!